I'll Make It

I feel discouraged with all the challenges enveloped on the table
like never ending bills
what is on the other side?
If I have charged too much on illusions, well collect with interest
the humor of my madness
and fistfuls of hair
I have been paying my dues with a brokenness, reaching the tender
ebb and flow of living without a clue to what is next
or what it will demand I sacrifice

Darling, let me lay my head on your lap
gently stroke my hair as I ponder these things
for yet I feel such strength and invigoration
to face such things with the love of another
Isn't that my lot as a parent, lover, friend?
To give back in this splash within the bucket
I stopped being afraid that I am not enough
and put that foolishness behind me in order to step forward from my insecurities
taking responsibility for
becoming who I want to be
and I am becoming...me

You see I never wanted to be the rock people smash themselves against
I wanted to be the sand that drifted with the waves of a heart
permeable enough to be moved by compassion
yet settled enough to be at the shore of all the unknowns and know my place
and what is right for me
I never wanted to be so afraid of the harm others can do
to my needing
that honest, rightful place of humanity
I never wanted to be afraid of vulnerability
it is such that demands the new risk, not dry and old
but the now in the flesh with a little more wisdom to gauge it
Well I am not totally there yet
baby steps and progress

But hey, I will sacrifice for it
I will give away what I got and then make myself
available for more whether kicking or screaming in the lashes of discipline
whether stupefied once again and shouting, “What the hell do I know”
I will love with all I have
I will stand in the fire and squirm forever trying to perfect it
defects and mistakes in all
trial and error
stubbornness and stupidity
progress and success
steps and stumbles
I will make it -no doubt, all determination.

Life Is

life is a puzzle.

Each piece is scattered throughout our time here on Earth and it is up to us to find the pieces and place them exactly where they belong.
It will not be easy.
In fact we will not know what the pieces are or where they may be hidden.
It could be as simple as a revelation.
Or a random act of kindness.
Maybe in the shape of another human being who may teach us the meaning of something profound.
Perhaps a journey through a tremulous time that will give us an insight to courage and hope.
It could be as simple as feeling the heat of the sun on our skin and at that precise moment revel in how warm and pleasing it feels.
As confusing as the wetness of a tear as it slides down your cheek to make you realize that you can cry when you are happy as well as sad.
Or an aroma so inviting that it can stir your senses to overload and enable you to feel an abundance of emotions ranging from ecstasy to fear.
Maybe it will be a moment in a memory that was placed in one's mind and then forgotten, to be resurrected at a time when needed the most.

Life is a puzzle.

But with each new segment that completes the corners and borders of our picture it will be seen as a accomplishment.
Not because we have failed or achieved but simply because we have tried.
There will not be a winning outcome in every endeavor we set out to pursue.
In fact we will have many disappointments that will leave us battered and unable to comprehend the meaning of choice.
But then there are the frustrations that will have us in a boundless state of euphoria and it is when we are in eye of this storm we must sit down and reflect where it is leading us and if it is the right path to follow and if, in the grand scheme of things, it will change us for the better or for the worse.

Which will you choose?

To have power in the knowledge that you can achieve all you want and not bear any consequences of your actions, or be one of the people with a conscience and stop before it is too late.
The money or the box.
Decisions.
They can make or break you.
Would it be better if we were all clones implanted with a switch that was controlled by a higher plane of existence.
That it was THEY who controlled our every thought and move.
Sometimes I believe that it could be like that.
We listen and we see, but ultimately it is our decision as to what we believe.

The world is a puzzle.

And it is filled with pieces that only we can put together, in any semblance of order that we like.
It could be a perfect border and corners and our centerpiece could be as jumbled as a comic book of colors with no faces or places to see.
That is where we, as an entity, come and put a face to a place and follow through the scenario that is before us.
Yes this may seem a confusing mumbo jumbo of words and too hard to make sense of but in reality if you just read between the lines it is as plain as the nose on your face.
Look in the mirror and see yourself for who you are.
ME.
US.
YOU.
THEM.
THEY.
THOSE.
Can you see that these small words are growing in capacity as you read.
And that is what life is like.
It will grow as you grow and with it will come such clarity and resolution to all that you challenge.
You may be meek and mild but have such power in your convictions as to overshadow one who is loud and obnoxious and too forceful with greed.

There we have it.

Life is a puzzle.

But with it comes such promise and the finalization of a complete picture.
It may not look like the picture on the box but it will still be your life.
And life is just that.
It is what we make it.
With all the ups and downs and the challenges it is still LIFE.
We are just a page in the next chapter of evolution and we should try to leave this world as an example.

Everyday I'm still finding pieces of my puzzle, still searching for the right spot, the right direction in which my pieces fit. Everyday I grow a little...spiritually, mentally, emotionally. I'm nowhere near perfect, but with each piece of the puzzle that comes together for me, I move closer to what I'm supposed to be. This is life.